Developing Your Authentic Self

Although I am an integrative counsellor, I am person-centred at the core. This means I aim to be more of a guide than a prescriber in terms of the direction your therapy takes. Rather than telling you what to do or how to feel, I support you as you make sense of your experience in your own way. To some extent, I am led by you as we explore what you bring to each session and what feels most alive or important in the moment.

In this blog, I will explain how this approach benefits you as a client and how it can support deeper self-awareness, insight and change.

What does locus of evaluation mean?

Each of us evaluates ourselves, our choices, and our worth. The phrase locus of evaluation describes where you tend to look in order to decide whether something is good, right or valuable.

There are two broad ways this shows up:

An external locus of evaluation
This is when you depend heavily on the opinions, expectations and judgments of others. You might find yourself thinking “I should” or “I ought to” because you believe others know best or you fear disapproval or rejection.

An internal locus of evaluation
This is when you begin to trust your own inner experience. Your feelings, instincts, preferences and values become meaningful and guiding rather than dismissed or overwritten by external pressure.

In person-centred language this inner compass is linked to your natural ability to sense what is constructive or nourishing for you. It is not about getting it right. It is about recognising that your inner world matters.

Why do so many of us start with an external locus of evaluation

From childhood, we are shaped by approval systems. Parents, teachers, peers, culture and faith communities all communicate rules about who we should be and what makes us acceptable. When love or approval feel conditional we begin to adjust ourselves to fit those conditions.

Over time many people learn that their value and safety depend on meeting certain expectations. To cope they start to rely on others to confirm whether they are good enough or making the right decision. This can leave you feeling unsure of your own voice and fearful of trusting your instincts.

How person-centred therapy supports the shift inward

The core idea at the heart of person-centred therapy is beautifully simple:

You are the expert on your own life.

From this starting point the aim is not to direct you or prescribe solutions. My role is to be a non-directive supportive guide. I accompany you rather than instruct you. I do not tell you who to be. I help you reconnect with who you already are.

In this atmosphere, something powerful happens. You gradually feel safe enough to listen to parts of yourself that have been dismissed, ignored or criticised for years. You begin to notice how your body feels about a decision, not just what your mind thinks other people expect.

As confidence builds you start to reference your own experience. You begin to trust that your feelings have meaning and that your perspective deserves space. Over time this gentle process supports a movement from external to internal locus of evaluation.

What does an internal locus of evaluation look like in everyday life?

Clients often describe changes such as:

This does not mean becoming indifferent to others or cutting off relationships. It means letting other people’s opinions become information rather than authority. Others may still matter but they no longer get to define or override your inner experience.

A closing reflection

Developing an internal locus of evaluation is not about becoming perfect, confident or self-sufficient. It is about becoming more you. It is recognising that your feelings and values are valid and that you deserve to live in alignment with them.

Person-centred therapy offers space for this shift. It invites you to slow down, reconnect with your inner compass and gently rediscover the wisdom that has always been there.

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